His Best Chance
by findinemo
Summary: What would happen if Liv had a kid. I suck at summaries so please read.
1. Chapter 1

**Just reposting because I switched accounts.**

After paying the cabbie for the ride James slide out of the cab and headed inside the nice apartment. It wasn't until he was in front of the dark brown door did he realize he didn't know what he was even going to say. It was like he had been on auto pilot up until this very moment, taking a deep breath he hiked up his pack up then raised his fist and knocked three times.

Olivia Benson who had been having a rare uneventful night had just poured two glasses of wine one for herself and one for Amanda. She knew it was wrong, but after her break up with Cassidy Olivia had found herself not wanting to turn down the advances of the blonde detective. They were both lonely and whatever it was that they had together had been working for them. Hearing a knock on the door both women froze, not out of fear of being caught together but because of the nature of their work and Olivia's attack both knew late night knocks usually didn't end up being anything but trouble. Grabbing her gun from the side table Olivia made her way to the door and looked through the peep hole. Shocked at seeing a kid on the other side she quickly put the gun into the back of her belt then opened the door. Since the boy didn't speak first Olivia asked him what he wanted. Looking up at the woman James took a deep breath before speaking.

"Hi I'm James Johnson but most people call me JJ I'm your son… the one you gave up for adoption. " Seeing he had shocked Olivia into silence he took that moment to side step his way into the warm apartment. It was only then that Olivia found words following the sandy haired boy inside she shut the door. "I excuse me who did you say you were again?" Olivia asked not wanting to admit to anything before she knew the kids angle. Sighing he dropped his bag to the floor and pulled out a folded up piece of paper. "Look I know this sounds weird but I'm the son you gave up twelve years ago. I'm not mad or anything I get it you wanted to give me my best chance at life.

But right now you're the best chance for me.. I don't want to go back into the system not anymore." James didn't want to tell her right off what he had gone through since she had handed him over not yet. All he knew was she was his last chance it was that or taking off and living on the streets with his friends. Olivia not believing this was happening stared at the piece of paper which was his original birth certificate right there under mothers name was hers. She had gotten pregnant when she had first started in Svu and then she couldn't and didn't see herself being a mom. She had always wanted it but never wanted to hurt a child like her mom had hurt her. But now twelve years later here her son stood before her wanting almost demanding she step up and be his mom. Looking over at Amanda who had been quiet through this whole exchange Olivia smiled and asked her to leave.

She knew by the next day it would all be out to her unit she just needed this time to process it all in the private. Knowing the closed off look Amanda didn't argue just headed over to Olivia after kissing her gently she told her to call her if she needed anything. Then she turned one more time to James before heading out closing the door gently behind her. When they were along Olivia turned to James and before she knew what she was doing she felt her hand reaching out to touch her son. After he was born she had decided not to hold him it had been to hard as it was. Now that he was once again in front of her she couldn't help but gently touch his hair. But as soon as she did he was backing off glaring at her. "Don't touch me ok… please just don't" He yelled before running down the hall. Finding the bathroom he hid inside and locked the door behind him. The rest of the night was spent with Olivia trying to coax him out. The next morning when she had finally shut her eyes out of sheer exhaustion James opened the door. He hadn't meant to flip out he had just learned at a very young age when someone touched you it meant something bad was going to happen. Now that he saw her sleeping against the wall he felt really bad, taking a deep breath he slide down next to her and gently shook her. When she opened her eyes he backed off and pulled his legs up to his chest. Not wanting him to run again Olivia kept the space between them while she told him what they had to do. " Look Bud I am so sorry for scaring you last night. I did give a son up for adoption but we have to find out if your him. I won't touch you again without asking but we need to see my friend. " Seeing him nod his head Olivia told him she was going to change quickly then she headed into her bedroom. Closing the door behind her she quickly shed her wrinkled clothes then grabbed the first pair of dress pants and button up shirt she found. When she was dressed she headed into the bathroom and washed up. She didn't take any more time then was necessary in fear James would get spooked and run.

When she headed back out into the hall her heart fell not seeing him there as she rushed down the hallway. She was just about to call out for him when she saw him sitting on her couch playing with his fingers. Not wanting him to know she was scared she got a hold of her emotions and asked him if he was hungry. When he shook his head no she sighed once more before telling him to get his back pack because it was time to go. She had to know definitely this was her boy once she confirmed it she would find out what had happened to him. The pair headed down to the street and into a cab no words spoken except when she told the cab driver to take them to the 16. Once the cab had pulled onto the road Olivia pulled out her cell phone and text Melinda and asked her to meet her at the squad room with whatever she needed to take two dna samples. After about ten minutes the cab pulled up at their destination, paying the driver Olivia slide out after James. Then she motioned for him to follow her, not wanting him to get bombarded she lead him right into her office past all the questioning stares and shut the door. Looking around James took a seat on the couch and waited quietly it wasn't until Melinda knocked and walked in did he jump up. Not wanting him spooked Olivia held out her hands and smiled over at James.

"This is my friend Melinda she's a doctor she needs to rub a cotton swab in our mouths but nothing more. " Since she hadn't lied to him before he figured it was safe enough. Nodding towards Olivia he walked over to Melinda and opened his mouth. Knowing Olivia long enough she knew there was not asking why until James was out of the room. So while his mouth was she swabbed his mouth then Olivia's. When she was done she capped the swabs then told James she was all done. Pulling out a dollar Olivia handed it to James and told him to go get a soda. Taking the dollar James headed out the door and back down the hall to the vending machines they had passed on the way in. Once he was out of ear shot she turned to Melinda her face filled with raw emotion. "Melinda this boy James showed up at my house last night with a birth certificate saying he is the son I gave up twelve years ago.. I have to know if he's my son. "Seeing Olivia close to losing it Melinda reached out and gently squeezed her shoulder. " Don't worry Liv I will rush this and we will find out if what he says is true. Watching Melinda go Olivia sunk down into her chair and put her head in her hands. She was so lost in thought she almost didn't hear James come back in. Now holding a soda James thanked Olivia before sitting back down on the couch. The pair sat in silence James finally breaking it. "Sorry I ran last night I just …got scared. I'm not lying I am your son." Olivia hated to admit it but she knew but his brown eyes he was her son. She just had to confirm it. "" I get it I'm some strange kid could be crazy you just have to make sure." James said as he popped open his soda and took a long sip. The pair sat in comfortable silence until Amanda walked in the office. She knew Olivia was most likely reeling from the events of last night, she also knew that getting Olivia to talk was like pulling teeth. So instead of walking over to her girlfriend Alex turned towards James. Kneeling down she stretched out her hand. "We didn't meet last night but I am Amanda Rollins what's your name?" Amanda asked James with a smile. After a quick look over at Olivia James shook Amanda's hand and smiled. "Well my names James Johnson." "Well it's nice to meet you James I was thinking if Sergeant Benson didn't mind we could go have some fun." With a quick look back to her girlfriend she waited to get the go before standing. As she stood James put his soda down and jumped up to follow Amanda out of the office.

When the pair had left the station both Nick and Finn took that moment to go in and ask Liv what was up. Since Finn knew her the longest he took the lead. "Hey Liv what's up with the kid? I mean is he a victim or part of a case?" Olivia looked over at her detectives and shook her head no. She wasn't sure where or how to start but she knew she had to tell someone her old someone would have been Alex or Elliot but they were long gone. Taking a breath she looked over at Finn. "Well that is James he is not part of a case guys he's apparently my son. I got pregnant back before you came to SVU and well I gave him up.. I don't know how he found me or why he's here. Or if he's telling the truth I mean he had his original birth certificate but I had Melinda take our DNA. I thought my giving him up was the best thing for him but now looking at him I can't help but fear I was wrong. "Finn let out a long breath as he stared over at her. " Wow a kid Benson who knew..Well you know Melinda will rush the results but if he does turn out to be yours what are you going to do?

"Looking between the two men Olivia before standing. " If he's mine I am going to find out what the hell happened to him. And find out why the hell he is walking around the city alone." Nick and Finn nodded knowing whether this kid was actually hers or not Liv would be raising hell until she found out who was suppose to caring for the boy. "Look Liv we don't have any active cases right now just tell us what you need." Smiling over at Finn she looked over at James back pack before turning into cop mode. "Ok well his name is James Johnson if he is my son he was placed with his family through the Flower Heart agency. But we all know adoption records are sealed so I would use his name find me his school what and anything thi**s **boy has been doing. And you Nick check missing persons I want to know if anyone has cared enough to report him missing. "Hearing her orders both men nodded and headed out to find out whatever they could about the boy who called himself Olivia's son.


	2. Chapter 2

**Just a quick note thanks for the follows I would love some more input and reviews. **

It took a few hours but finally as three o'clock rolled around Finn and Nick had a lot of info on James. As the two detectives looked over the kids file they knew Liv's heart would break. But they had been given an assignment and now they had to tell her. Walking into her office Finn cleared his throat before starting. "Well we did some digging and we were able to find info back to his adoptive parents. Since we don't have any reason for our search at this time we couldn't get the agency to unseal his records of his adoption but what we did fine wasn't pretty. He was placed with the Johnsons she is a cop on the beat and her husband was in construction. It seemed they were together until he was about two years old then for some reason she left both her husband and child. Nothing really happened until he was three then that's when Cps got involved. A number of complaints of neglect and abuse he was removed and placed into a foster home. There he stayed for over a year and it seems they started the adoption process but then they gave him back. From the time he was four to eleven he was bounced from foster home to foster home none good. His last placement seems to have been a group home he was there until recently I am guessing he has been on the streets since this missing child report was filed a week ago. "

By time he finished Liv's heart was broken in two. Her son the one she had given up to have a better life had nothing but heartache. And there was no one to blame but herself. Standing up she thanked them then grabbed her coat and headed down to the M.e's office. She had to know for sure that James was her son. As soon as she walked into Melinda's office and saw her friends face she knew it was true James was her little boy. Walking all the way into the office she took a seat and listened to Melinda tell her how she had run the test twice and both times they came back saying her and James had the same DNA. "Thanks Melinda I owe you one." Liv said as she took the results and headed out of the morgue back into the chilly afternoon.

Meanwhile across town Amanda and James had just finished eating their lunch. Swallowing her last bite the blonde wiped her mouth and looked over at her girlfriends supposed son. " So I know that you are probably worried about what's going to happen and all. I don't know all the basics but even if your not her son she will help you. That's what we do we are special division that helps kids who have been hurt." Figuring since he was on the younger side she could keep it pretty basic. Looking right across the table James crossed his arms and smirked.

"How stupid do you think I am? I looked her up way before I came to tell her. She's been a detective for years help women who have been raped and she just took over or something so I'm guessing she's your boss. I don't really care if she wants me not anymore, I use to wander about her even wished at times she'd come back for me and save me. But she didn't and eventually I stopped giving a shit… You can drop the nice act I know what I saw last night your screwing your boss but don't worry I am not a snitch learned at a young age that was the one thing you never wanted to be. "With that James got up and headed out the door not looking back to see if Amanda was following him. Since they hadn't went far he was in front of the precinct when he saw his mom round the corner.

Before he could say anything he felt her arms wrapping around him pulling him close to her. " I am so sorry James. I gave you up to give you your best chance I know you won't forgive me or understand right away. Just know I am never letting anyone hurt you again." James who had always looked out for himself wanted nothing more than to back up and pull out of Olivia's arms. But as he listened to her speak he couldn't help but cling to her and cry. By time Amanda caught up to the pair Olivia had gotten control of her emotions. Backing up from James she shot Amanda a small smile then turned and lead the trio back into the precinct and up to the squad room. Looking at the questioning eyes of Finn, Nick and Amanda motioning for them to follow her she walked straight back to her office. Once they were inside she told James to go to Amanda's desk and wait for her. After she made sure James was out of ear shot Olivia turned back to her detectives.

"Well as you know I had Melinda test his DNA to mine, I won't go into details not right now but what I will tell you is he is my son. " Finn and Nick even Amanda knew better then to push Liv. "Look Liv you know we all got your back do what you have to do." Finn said before shooting her a smile and turning to leave Nick following suit. When it was just Amanda and Olivia left Amanda walked over to the desk sliding her hand over Olivia's she squeezed it gently. "I know you're going to pretend everything is ok. But just know when you do decide to let yourself feel I am here for you." With that she turned and headed out to her desk. Olivia watched as her girlfriend walked over to James and start to talk with him, seeing James laugh Olivia smiled. Her and Amanda may have had their issues but she knew deep down her girlfriend had a big heart. She was no Alex but maybe they could be a family, the family James deserved.

Knowing before she took James home she had to call a lawyer Olivia looked up the same lawyer that had helped her get out of trouble back when she was framed. Before Trevor had helped her she had thought he was as evil as the perverts he defended. Now however she knew he did what he had to for his job. "Well hello Detective… wait that's right its Sergeant now isn't it? What can I do for you?"

"Hello Mr. Langan I need a favor I need help getting custody of a kid my son. He showed up at my door last night he is a runaway and I won't send him back. "

"Well Olivia custody isn't my specialty as you know but send me his file and I will look at it. If I can't take your case I will find someone who will." Thanking him Liv gave him her cell number then hung up. Deciding to call it an early day she grabbed some files and made her way over to James. "Alright guys I know it's early but I want to get James settled in. So I will see you bright and early tomorrow morning." Reached her hand out for Jame's he slid his hand in hers and the pair headed home. "You hungry bud?" Olivia asked as she closed the door behind them. Dropping her purse on the counter she headed into the kitchen and opened the fridge. "Well we have eggs and milk.. I can make French toast or we can order Chinese. " "French toast is fine." James said as he walked over to the table to sit down. Olivia couldn't help but smile lately she was struggling to find happiness. As she cooked dinner for herself and her son she finally let herself believe she would have the life she had always wanted. After dinner was done and the dishes were put away Olivia got towels out of the hall closet and showed James where to shower. Then she put fresh sheets on the bed in the guest room. When he was all washed up she got him into bed then settled down on the couch with a glass of wine.

Olivia had taken a sip when she heard a familiar knock on the door. Walking over to the door she opened it and let Amanda inside. "I didn't expect you to come over so soon." Olivia admitted as she sat back down on her couch motioning for Amanda to sit next to her. Taking a breath the young blonde sat down next to her girlfriend taking her hands in hers. "Look Liv I know life has thrown you a major curve ball. I mean just one lunch with James and I knew he was definitely your son. But that's not why I am here. Well it is partly but mostly I am here to be here for you. You road my ass then where there for me when I hit rock bottom…. I want to be here for you talk to me, don't shut me out."

The brunette who wasn't use to letting people in got up from the couch and started to pace. "You know me Amanda I am a forty six years old. I just took over the unit I just got out of a really bad relationship. Now I have a son... I need you to let me get this out before you say anything please just let me get this all out." Olivia said, as she waited for Amanda to nod. Once she did she resumed pacing. "Ok so around thirteen years ago when I first started in Svu I was briefly involved with Cassidy. I don't know what It is about him but even back then I couldn't resist him. I got pregnant before it got bad I was going to tell him but we ended before I could tell him. After we ended he transferred out and well I took it as a sign. His father was a mess and me with my genes and baggage he was going to be better off with a family who could give him the world. Elliot helped me find an adoption agency and covered for me when I needed to take time off. It was hard to keep it in house but Cragen and Elliot helped me. After I gave birth I declined to hold him, they took him and that was the last I saw of James until the other day. He was supposed to have his best chance Amanda and I failed him." Reaching the end of her story Olivia collapsed back down onto the couch this time in Amanda's arms.

Feeling Olivia start to cry Amanda wrapped her arms around her and held her close. "Listen Olivia we both know what a tool Cassidy is. I hated seeing you with him, but that's not the point. What matters now is you got a second chance to be the mom you have always wanted to be. James came to find you he needs you now just as much as you need him. Only difference this time around love is that your not alone, you and James have me." When she finished Amanda leaned over and pressed her lips against Olivia's kissing her deeply.

_Meanwhile across town_ Trevor finally reached who he had been trying all day. "Well hello there Alex it's been awhile. I have a case for you one I know you will come back for. You wanted back in a certain detective's life. Well here is your chance, she called me today needs council to help her get custody of this boy James. I told her this wasn't my specialty but that I would look the case over and if I couldn't take it I would find her the best. And we all know you're the best so you coming back to New York Alex?"


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks for everyone who reviewed and followed. I am loving writing this story and I am so glad its liked. **

The next morning Olivia woke up to the sound of laughing coming from her kitchen. Sliding out of her bed slipped on one of her old NYPD shirts on along with a pair of sweats. Once she was decent she headed down the hallway to the kitchen pausing to take in the scene before her. Amanda and James were by the stove both covered in flour. Walking further into the room Liv walked over to Amanda and wrapped her arms around her waist.

"So what is going on here?" Liv asked with a small smirk.

"Well we were trying to make chocolate chip pancakes but Amanda here isn't the best cook." James said as he wiped some of the flour from his clothes.

"Hey now in my defense you were suppose to help measure everything out." Rolling his eyes James reached out and grabbed the plate of pancakes making his way over to the table. Olivia placed another kiss on Amanda's temple before following her son to the table.

"Well bud even if you did enlist a bad cook we seem to have some pretty good pancakes here." Liv said as she grabbed a few for her plate. Once Amanda joined them the three ate in comfortable silence until James broke it.

"So will I be able to stay with you forever? Or just until you can find a new foster home for me?" Putting down her fork and reached over taking James's hand

"You will be staying with me forever we just have to work out some stuff, see because I did give you up for adoption I have to tell a judge why you want and would be better off living with me. I already called a lawyer and after I meet with him today you and I are going shopping. We have a room to set up." Liv finished just as the door bell rang. Standing up she placed a small kiss on the top of James's head before heading over the door. Opening it her eyes went wide at the sight of Alex standing on the other side.

"What are you doing here Alex?" Olivia asked as she ushered the woman in and hugged her.

"Well Trevor called me he said you needed a lawyer. You apparently have a son? You know I couldn't stay away. I am here to help you get custody and keep him. I know I wasn't there for you after what happened with Lewis and I am so sorry for that. But I am here now and not going anywhere. "

Before Liv could answer Amanda walked over to where she was. Seeing Alex she couldn't help but frown some. She didn't know the basics of her and Olivia's relationship but she knew they were close.

"So what brings you by Alex?" Amanda asked as she positioned her on the other side of Liv.

"I am here to help her keep her son, that's what we all want isn't it?" Alex answered with a cool tone. Moving past the two women Alex took a seat on the couch and pulled out a big brown file.

"I had my assistant do some research into James's background. He hasn't had it."

"Wait a second.. Hold that thought Alex." Liv said as she walked back over to James.

"Hey buddy why don't you go get dressed then Amanda is going to take you to the park while I talk to Alex. Once I'm done here I will meet you guys and we will go shopping like planned."

James looked between his mom and the two blonde women before shrugging and sliding off his seat. "That's cool I like Amanda she's kinda cool." James said before running down the hallway to change. After a few minutes both he and Amanda were ready to go. Walking them to the door Olivia kissed both James and Amanda before closing the door and turning her attention back to Alex.

" I just didn't want him to know I know everything he's been through Alex. The guys looked into it and it seemed my son has been through hell and back Alex. You have to get me custody I promised him he wouldn't go back that he was safe. I can't break that promise." Olivia said as she sunk back onto the couch. Looking at her old girlfriend Alex's heart broke for her, she knew there was nothing Liv had wanted more then to be a mom it just never seemed to work out when they tried. It was one of the reasons they had broken up. But that was the past now Alex was back and she was going to fight for her family. They weren't her family yet and she knew she was presuming a lot but her and Olivia belonged together. Reaching out she took Olivia's shaking hand in hers and smiled.

"Don't worry Olivia I am going to do everything in my power to make sure you keep James. I wasn't there for you before but I won't let you down this time." Alex wanted to say more but she knew if she pushed too hard Olivia would shut her out just like in the past.

"Alex thank you so much.. And I know you were busy when I was taken. I don't blame you. I was with Cassidy you had work to do. Life got in the way, but you're here now that's what matters." Olivia said with a small smile. Her and Alex had been in love for years and were good together. Olivia had almost proposed to her before their last fight. She wasn't sure what had changed but before she knew it Alex was gone and she was left with a hole in her heart. But this wasn't the time to rehash the past she needed to focus on James and making sure he was settled. So after a few minutes of staring into her ex's blue eyes she reached down and handed her the file Finn and Nick had made of James's life.

While the two women worked together coming up with a plan to secure custody Amanda and James where down at the park. Finn walked over to the blonde who was watching James play with Frannie.

"So he seems to be a good kid huh?" He asked as he walked over to where she was standing.

"Yeah partner he is a sweet heart yesterday I was so sure he hated me. But I think it was his way to keep himself protected. Who can blame him with what he's been through, it took some coaxing but Liv finally opened up. I really thought we were getting somewhere that was until Alex showed up out of the blue again. What is the deal with them anyways?" Amanda asked hoping to find out if she had a reason to be worried.

Finn threw the red ball towards Frannie before turning to face his partner. " Alex and Olivia's relationship can be summed up on one word… Complicated. I don't know all the details but I know they were pretty serious at one time. Alex left about six months before Olivia was taken by Lewis I am not sure what happened but Olivia was a mess then started dating Cassidy. Either way if she's back I can tell you she's back for Olivia. All I can say is do yourself a favor and don't get to attached to the kid or Liv. "

Amanda nodded as she held back tears; Nick had warned her to not get too attached to Liv. Not only because she was their boss now but they worlds apart. She hadn't meant to but she had fallen hard for Liv she wanted to give Liv everything she wanted. A family and someone who really loved her to come home to. She wasn't going to tell Finn but there was no way she was giving her up not without a fight.

"I got it partner sadly it's a little too late. I love her and James just seals the deal." Hearing what Amanda said Finn knew this wasn't going to end well. He also knew better then to get involved so he just gave her a small hug before walking over to where James was playing with Frannie.

After spending the morning in the park Amanda got James lunch then headed back to Olivia's apartment. Walking in Amanda smiled at seeing no sign of the blonde after sending James to get washed up Amanda walked over to where Olivia was and leaned against the counter. " So what's the plan how are you going to make sure you don't lose James?"

"Well Alex is going represent me and Trevor is going to be there in case the judge wants to appoint a guardian at litem. Right now she is filing an emergency hearing for full custody. She says if she gets it in by the end of the day we should have a date within the week. She said because of what he went through on top of the parents I gave him up to giving him up. I have a good chance to get custody back. '

"That's great babe I am so happy for you. There is no way you won't get custody Finn told me Alex is a great lawyer." Amanda said as she pushed off the counter and kissed Olivia gently. She froze however when Olivia pulled away and headed down the hall after James. Choking back tears Amanda left a note for Olivia saying she had to go feed Frannie then she let herself out and headed downtown. She needed to get to a meeting before she did something stupid.


	4. Chapter 4

**I got a great response on the last chapter so much so I wanted to give you guys the discussion you wanted. Also those who say she should be with Alex not Amanda and those fans who like me love Alex and Olivia together but are rooting for Amanda just know starting this I was confident it was going one way but now as I am writing I am not so sure. I just know it's going to be a ride **** Hope you guys stay with me to the end. Thanks for the follows and the favorites. Now onto chapter 4.**

Olivia hadn't meant to pull away from Amanda it was just she was overwhelmed with everything going on_. If you asked her before Lewis there was no one she loved more than Alex. But after she walked out that last time she wasn't so sure. She had come home after a particular hard case and Alex was waiting for her bags packed. They hadn't told anyone but they had tried the whole getting pregnant thing finding the perfect donor and inseminating on their own. Alex had gotten pregnant but lost it only a few weeks later. It killed them both but it hit Alex harder she had kissed another woman and that was what she told Olivia before walking out_. When she left Olivia watched all hopes for happiness to go to with her. After she left Olivia had fallen back into bed and a half baked relationship with Cassidy. She didn't love him but he was someone to come home to. Then after Lewis he was there for her but their relationship went down fast. It wasn't until recently that she had found true happiness again and that was with Amanda. She hadn't meant to fall for the young blonde but she had they worked together saw the same horrors days in and days out. They both were damaged in their own way but most of all they were both loving and wanted a family. But now Alex was back and Olivia knew she wasn't just back to help she was back to get back with Olivia and finally have the family they had only dreamed of.

Walking into the room she smiled at the sight of her son playing some game on an ipad. " Hey where did you get that?" Olivia asked as she sat down on the bed next to him.

James who had been playing one of the games Amanda had bought for him. Pausing the game and looked up at his mom. "Well its Amanda's she said I could hold onto it until you guys got me stuff of my own. She's really cool I mean so are you but I feel bad I was kinda mean to her when I first met her but she said she got it. "James said before turning back to his game. Ruffling his hair Olivia smiled before making her way back to the kitchen to apologize to Amanda however instead of finding her girlfriend she found the note she had left.

"James when you were out with Amanda did you guys feed Frannie?" Olivia called out not really believing the reason for Amanda leaving.

"Yeah we took her to the park I played with her then we brought her to Amanda's. I know she ate because Amanda let me do it. "James called back. Kicking herself Olivia pulled out her phone and called Nick. After some persuading he agreed to come over and stay with James. She hated leaving him so soon but she needed to make sure Amanda was ok and she knew the places she had to check weren't exactly kid friendly. Once Nick showed up Olivia thanked him profusely and told him to just order a pizza or something for dinner. Then she was gone out the door in search of Amanda.

After going to a meeting Amanda had called Finn to meet her at the diner they usually ate at. When he got there she told him her plan to keep Olivia. Finn being the good partner he was listened to her crazy plan in whole before bursting out laughing. "Man Rollins you really have fallen for her hard. So you think if you get my you know and make yourself pregnant she will really stay with you over Alex? I mean we all know Liv wants to be a mom but she has James now. Plus this idea is completely crazy you don't need to get pregnant to keep Liv. I am guessing you didn't hear me earlier when I told you to not get attached. Either way before you go concocting any ideas and coming off crazy why don't you just sit Liv down and talk to her?"

Putting her head in her hands Amanda let out a low groan. "Partner I really hate when your right. I just can't lose her I love her. But fine the idea does seem like it would come out of one Kim's play books. So I will man up and talk to her. Just please don't tell her.." Finn smiled and squeezed Amanda's hand.

"Don't worry Rollins your secrets safe with me.. But I will tell you put your game face on because it seems you're going to have that conversation sooner rather than later." Finn said as he stood up and waved to Liv. Saying a quick goodbye Finn headed out of the diner leaving the two women to talk.

Olivia had wanted their relationship to be a secret one because she was in charge and two because everyone at SVU knew way to much about each other's lives as it was. But seeing how broken Amanda looked she didn't care if she had confided in Finn whatever helped keep her away from her addiction was fine with her. Sliding into the seat Finn had just vacated from Olivia reached out and lifted Amanda's head gently. "I am so sorry I pulled away. You have been amazing with James and me I am not pulling away to hurt you, I just have so much on my mind right now. I do know I want you there with me and James every step of the way. "

Looking up Amanda sucked her lip before replying. "Look I get what we had was suppose to be a little fling or whatever.. But I really care about you Liv and when I finally thought I knew where I stood in comes your stunning ex to save the day. Are you going to leave me for her? Finn said you guys are like the power couple or something.. I just need to know where I stand before I get anymore attached." 

Taking a deep breath Liv took Amanda's hand in hers. "Well yes when we started sleeping together I wasn't in a place to have it be anymore. But as time passed I have fallen for you and can't imagine waking up without you there. And James is completely smitten with you. I don't know why Alex is back except for what she told me to make sure James stays with me. And her guilt about not reaching out after Lewis happened to me. Look Alex was the one or at least I thought we dated on and off for years finally when life settled we were together for about two years straight. We had wanted to have a family more than anything, but since I didn't want to pass on my lovely fucked up genes I refused to carry a child. James was me being young and stubborn I was late but thought it was because I was working to hard. I had to make it in Svu. Anyways by time I went to the doctor it was to late for an abortion so I had him and gave him up. Back to Alex we picked a donor and inseminated we got pregnant. Alex and I were over the moon we had names picked and everything. Then a few weeks later she miscarried we were devastated. I was still going to propose and let her know I would think about carrying our child. I was scared but so in love anyways one night I come home from work her bags all packed. She told me she cheated on me and that she was leaving. That was the last I saw of her before today. So when I tell you I don't know what she wants I really don't know. But that's not my concern right now you and James are. And if I quoted him right he says you're really cool. So if my really cool girlfriend can forgive me we can get home before its time to tuck James into bed."

Standing up Olivia pulled Amanda to her kissing her deeply. When they parted Amanda threw some money down on the table before heading out with Liv.


	5. Chapter 5

"Aw man this suit makes me look stupid." James groaned as he stomped out of his room and glared at Amanda.

"You need to look your best today, since you have court and all. Plus if you ask me you look quite dashing. "Amanda said as she straightened his tie. James rolled his eyes but shot her a small smile.

"Yeah I guess your right I mean Liv will officially be my mom again right? But what does that make you?" James asked as he bent down and tied his shoes. Smiling down at her girlfriend's son Amanda waited until he was done to answer.

"Well bud it makes me Amanda your moms girlfriend and your friend ok bud. Don't worry though I am not going anywhere ok?" Nodding James threw his arms around her waist and hugged her before running down the hall to get his mom. Once she was alone Amanda straightened her own blouse and pants before calling out to Olivia.

" Liv James lets go we are going to be late." After everyone was totally ready they headed down the court house. When they got there Amanda gave Liv a quick kiss before they made their way inside. When they rounded the corner and the stunning Alex Cabot came into view Amanda took a breath in hopes to steady her emotions. It wasn't until they were next to her that she realized she had been grasping James's hand a little to tight. Letting it go Amanda shoved her hands into her pocket as she watched Liv and Alex talk. After what felt like eternity it was time to go in since her and Amanda weren't officially out yet Amanda decided to sit behind Olivia and James instead of next to them. When the judge came in she listened to Alex's motion then Cps's both were in a rare agreement. They both believed that it would be in James's best interest to stay with his biological mom. After hearing both sides the judge looked over at James and Olivia before speaking.

"Well I will say I am happy that both sides are in agreement, I will grant the order to give you custody back of your son. This is truly an interesting case how he was able to find you I guess it is meant to be. Consider yourself lucky Sergeant Benson this is your second chance don't take it for granted. Good luck to you both. "The judge said before ending the proceeding. After the judge left the court room James turned to his mom and hugged her gently before running around Alex down to where Amanda was hugging her tightly.

Watching James go Olivia turned to Alex and smiled. "Thank you so much Alex you don't know what this means to me. I made a mistake twelve years ago I am just so happy I know have the chance to fix it."

Smiling over at Liv Alex felt her heart break a bit, she may have been the one to mess things up. But that didn't mean she ever stopped loving her not even by a long shot. Alex loved liv as much if not more as the first day she met her. She had a feeling though by observing Olivia and Amanda there was something there. She had been a fool to think Olivia wouldn't have moved on. But she knew beyond a shadow of a doubt Amanda wasn't Liv's soul mate. So if that meant she had to fight for the love of her life and her family she would. Reaching out Alex pulled her into a long hug only pulling away when she heard a cell phone go off. Watching Liv answer it Alex turned back to the table and slowly packed up her things. When liv hung up she knew the look it meant she had a case.

"Its fine liv go save the world it's what you do best. Just meet me for dinner please I really need to talk to you about something. "Alex asked as she shot Liv the smile she knew she couldn't resist.

"Yeah we got a case the work load is heavier now that I am in charge. I don't know how Cragen did it all those years. As for dinner let me talk to Amanda if she can take James I will meet you there." With that Liv waved goodbye and headed over to where Amanda and her son were waiting for her. After one last look back at Alex Liv turned and headed out of the courthouse with her family. Since they had a case Liv had to take James to the station. She hated having her son there but until she got a baby sitter it was where he would have to be. After setting him up in the cribs Olivia walked out to her detectives and sent them on their assignments. She hated not being able to be in the field all the time like before but as she sat down in her office she couldn't help but be happy least this way she was close if James needed her. However as she started in on her paperwork her mind wandered back to Alex.

She and Alex had such a past part of her wanted to drop everything and go back to her. The other part of her was just so mad at Alex for not only cheating on her and ruining it all but now for coming back and assuming Liv would just fall back into her arms. Before Amanda and James she probably would have gone back. Alex was familiar she was safe, safe was usually what Olivia looked for at the end of the day. Safe was good but Olivia didn't want just safe anymore she wanted more she wanted love and so much more. She had just gotten back to her paperwork when she heard her door open. Looking up she saw James walk in he headed right over to her bouncing from one foot to the other he tried to get up the courage to ask what he had come to ask. Finally after what seemed like an eternity he started to speak.

" Liv.. I mean mom I really like Amanda I don't want you mad but I asked her what she was to me. She said she was only a friend. I see you guys kiss and at first I was kind of jealous but now I just feel safe. I haven't felt that in years. I heard her and Finn talking the other day at the park when we were with Frannie and he told her to stay clear or something because you loved and would always love that Alex woman. I didn't let them know I heard but does that mean Amanda is going to leave?"

Listening to her son speak broke her heart, walking around to where he stood and bent down to his level.

"Listen to me buddy I am sorry you heard that. Alex is my ex she is a good woman and helped me keep you. Yes there was a time I was in love with her, and I still care for her deeply. I don't know what's going to happen but I can promise you this you won't ever lose me or Amanda. Amanda loves you just as much as I love you. No one is leaving you ever again." Liv finished as she pulled her son into her arms. She was still hugging him when Amanda walked into the office.

"Hey Sarge everything ok?" Amanda asked making sure to keep up the professionalism while they were in the office. Walking over she dropped the file she brought Liv onto her desk before dropping down next to the pair. James upon seeing Amanda pulled away from liv and threw his arms around Amanda. Holding the boy in her arms Amanda shot her girlfriend a confused look. Sighing liv stood up and walked over to her desk. She shouldn't feel jealous but she couldn't help but feel it as she watched her son clinging to Amanda instead of her. Once James calmed down he hugged liv before heading out to go talk to the guys. When they were alone Liv turned her attention to Amanda.

"Everything was ok until James came in hes been so hurt in life he is scared he's going to lose you. He has finally accepted he's not losing me but you well your another story. I tried to console him but it didn't work until he saw you. You have a way with him. A way I have to say I love you accepted my son as your own and I am so happy about that. I guess just part of me is also jealous as stupid as it seems I know he knows I am his mom I just wish he liked me." Seeing how upset it had Liv Amanda walked over to the blinds and shut them before turning back to her girlfriend. Pulling her into her arms she hugged her gently.

"Aw babe he loves you so much when were together he goes on and on about you. He thinks it's awesome you're a cop. He comes to me because I'm the cool friend I think he's trying to figure out where he fits in and whose going to be there for him." Liv nodded as she pulled away and smiled.

" I would say lets take him out for a family dinner but I kind of promised Alex I would have dinner with her. It's nothing but a friendly dinner I just owe her after all she did for me for James hell for us. But I said I could only go if you could watch him. " Liv knew Amanda wasn't that comfortable with Alex being back it was the reason she had given her an out if she wanted it. Amanda sucked back a few tears as she heard Olivia say she had dinner plans with her ex. She knew it was childish but she wanted to say no and keep liv all to herself. But maybe this dinner was what was needed to put Alex in the past for good. So after she got her emotions in check she shot liv a half smile.

"No its fine James and I will feed Frannie then go get some burgers. We'll be fine go see Alex thank her for us all. If it wasn't for her we could have lost James. Actually I was going to say Finn and I ran down all the leads we could today and took the victims statement. So if it was ok with you we thought we'd leave it for tonight and attack it with fresh eyes in the morning. "

"Sure that's fine and thanks Amanda I shouldn't be home late. Let me just go say by to James before you take him ok?" Liv said as she headed out of her office right over to Nicks desk.

" Hey bud mommas got to see someone tonight so you're going to go with Amanda to feed Frannie then out to eat. I will be home in time to read ok." After a short nod from James liv kissed his head then turned to the rest of her detectives.

"Rollins filled me in you guys go home get some rest we will hit this case with fresh eyes in the morning." That being said Olivia headed back into her office to finish up her paperwork from the day. Once she was gone Amanda walked over to James and told him to get his stuff. Then as he walked off she sunk down into her chair dejectedly. Noticing the look on his partner's face Finn told Nick to go ahead then headed over to Amanda's desk.

"What's up partner?"

"Oh nothing just my girlfriend is going to dinner with her stunning ex. She gave me an out and I should have taken it but nooo I said I'd watch her kid… its fin though I think maybe Alex needs to hear its over for them. Right Finn I didn't just fuck up the best relationship I have ever had?" Finn silently cursed Alex as he listened to Amanda talk. Leaning over Finn put a hand on Amanda's shoulder and smiled sadly.

"I am not one to talk about love, hell I'm divorced yes Olivia and Alex dated years ago. But Alex hurt liv when she left. I know I said to not get attached but now that I've thought about it, Liv is happy with you she hasn't been this happy since before Lewis. You were right to give her this closure. Don't stress it she will come home to you. Anyways speaking of kids I gotta run meeting Ken for dinner, if you feel any urges hit you just call me ok?" After seeing her nod Finn headed out leaving Amanda alone to wait for James.

**Thanks guys so much for all the follows and reviews. This chapter was supposed to be short but I wanted not only the court case to be in there but James sharing his insecurities. ( I have some plans for that in later chapters.)So the next chapter will be the dinner between Alex and Olivia. Would love to hear your ideas on what should happen **


	6. Chapter 6

Alex knew this was her one chance to get Olivia back she felt selfish for wanting it but she couldn't help herself really. She had regretted leaving Olivia and hurting her the way she had it was finally time for her to set it right. As she sat in the back booth of the restaurant where they had their first date she ran over different ways she could present her side when she saw Finn walk over and sit down across from her. Before she could say a word he started in on her.

"You know I love you Alex I am so happy your back, but really what are you doing? We all know you love Liv but we also know you just up and left her. She had just lost Elliot and then you left she was broken. She got with the ass Cassidy and stayed with him after she was taken by Lewis. It was only recently she got up the strength to kick him to the curb. Her and my partner maybe knew but what they have is real. If you really love Liv do the right thing and let her go. Just let her be happy with Amanda and her son. Just think about that." Finn said as he got up and headed out. He had wanted to make his point without liv knowing he had come to stand up for her. He wasn't Elliot but now that Elliot was gone and Nick was a little to much he knew he had to look out for her.

Hearing what Finn say Alex felt herself waiver she much so she was about to text Liv when she saw her walk in. Stashing her phone back in her purse she stood up and hugged Liv. She couldn't help but hold on until Liv pulled away. After the hug both women sat down and placed their orders as they waited for their food Alex took a breath before reaching across the table. Sliding her hands over Livs she started to talk.

"Thanks so much for coming… I know it had to be hard to see me just show back up into your life. I can't begin to apologize enough for how I treated you. I was just so distraught after losing our baby I wasn't thinking right. I really thought you were better off without me. But I know you.. You wouldn't have let me go. We needed space I just didn't handle it right I thought we needed a break from each other when really all I want and need is you. I love you so much I want you back, I want us back." Alex was going to say more but she was stopped by their food coming to the table. Letting livs hands go Alex sat back and started to eat.

Liv however was livid pushing her food away she threw some money on the table before grabbing her coat. She couldn't believe Alex's nerve without a word to the blonde Olivia headed out into the cool night air. She was about to hail a cab when she felt a familiar grab on her arm not wanting to cause a scene she stopped and turned around. However before she could react she felt herself being pulled into a kiss. Feeling Alex's lips against hers Liv froze for months this was all she had yearned for but now it was the last thing she wanted. After a few seconds Liv finally control of her body back and pulled away. However before she could speak she heard someone call out.

" MOM Why are you kissing her?!" James yelled as she let Frannie go so he could run in between Alex and Olivia. Turning to the blonde James pushed her away from his mom before turning back to his mom.

"Buddy no its not what it looked like .. wait if you're here where's Amanda?" Liv asked as her eyes found Amanda's normally filled with love and happiness now covered in sadness.

"Babe this isn't what it looks like…" But before Liv could finish Amanda had walked over to James and Frannie. Taking the boys hand in hers she glared back at her girlfriend before pulling away from the mess. As much as she wanted to lose it she wouldn't not in front of Liv's kid. Before leading him away she turned back to Liv and Alex.

"James and I are on the way home to drop Frannie off before going to eat. However now I think I will take him home order a pizza. I'll be out tonight after we get him to bed." Then before anyone could saw a word Amanda lead James off. Once the women were alone together again Liv whirled on Alex.

"What the hell is your problem? Alex you said we were only having this dinner as friends then this.. no you don't get to do this. Yes we lost a baby that was tragic but I was going to propose we were in love you didn't have to cheat on me! But you did I probably would have forgiven that if you hadn't just left and not looked back. I moved on Alex I am done thank you for what you did for James, but just leave me alone Alex. "Olivia finished before turning around to hailing a cab, sliding into the back she gave the driver her address then pulled out her cell and tried to call Amanda.

**Here is a shorter chapter that just deals with the dinner and Alex and Olivia. Will she be able to explain what happened to James and Amanda or has Alex ruined her chance at happiness with Amanda. As for the reviewers who still want her with Alex trust me I started this fic with Alex and Liv being endgame however as I wrote things changed. So right now I am not sure where it will end but it won't be for awhile **** Thank you all for the lovely reviews and opinions really keeps me excited about this story. I hope to have the next chapter up by Friday the latest.**


	7. Chapter 7

Amanda had been able to keep her emotions under control as she walked James home. Once inside she told the upset boy to grab the pizza menu and decide what he wanted to eat while she went to the bathroom. After letting Frannie loose Amanda headed back to the bathroom and once locked inside she ran the water and fell apart. She wanted to be able to cry without upsetting James any further. Finn had warned her hell her past should have warned her anything good that happened to her always ended with a crash and burn. She had hoped Olivia would be different but of course it wasn't, she was a recovering gambler not an experienced ADA. She really couldn't blame her for choosing Alex she would make a better second parent to James then she would. She was all cried out when she heard James knock on the door asking if everything was ok. Walking over to the sink Amanda splashed her face with cold water dried it and headed out.

"I am fine buddy you decide what you want to eat?"

James who was furious with his mom and confused at what this meant knew Amanda wasn't ok. But he knew not to push it he had seen enough upset adults to know. He didn't think she'd hit him like others had but he wasn't going to risk it.

" Um yeah can we get pepperoni and extra cheese and garlic knots?" James asked as he followed Amanda to the phone. Nodding Amanda pulled out her cell and called in the order; once it was in she hung up and told James to get in the shower and his pajamas before their dinner came. Nodding he ran down the hall to get into the shower. When she was alone with Frannie she heard her phone go off seeing it was Olivia again she hit decline then went about feeding Frannie and settling the table. She wanted to pack and be gone before Olivia got home. But there was James to think about she loved him and wouldn't let him see that. Hearing the doorbell Amanda grabbed some money from her wallet and went to the door to pay the delivery man. Walking back inside with the food Amanda brought it to the table after grabbing a slice for James she put it on a plate and called him to the table.

Hearing his name being called James ran down the hall and got into his seat. Smiling at the food on his plate he folded his pizza and started to eat.

Meanwhile Olivia's cab pulled up to her building, having no real time for pleasantries Olivia threw some money at the cabbie and took off past her doorman and up the stairs. She only stopped long enough to catch her breath then she pulled out her keys and opened the door. She couldn't help but relax at the sight of her family at the table eating dinner. She knew Amanda wouldn't have left James alone but she was happy to see her there and not Finn. Walking in she headed over to James and as she bent to kiss him he dodged her and jumped up from his seat.

"You lied you said you didn't like that Bitch. You ruined everything next you'll probably just get rid of me. If you and Amanda break up I want to live with her not you! Least she never lied to me!" James yelled before running down to his room slamming the door behind him. Sighing sadly Olivia turned to Amanda bracing herself for some more yelling. But instead of anger she saw nothing but sadness in Amanda's expression.

"Amanda let me exp…"

"No Liv save it its fine I knew once she waltzed back into your life we were pretty much over. I will talk to James just please let me see him sometimes I was waiting to pack until he was asleep I didn't want to upset him." Amanda said as she turned to head down the hall way. Not believing her family was breaking before her eyes Olivia reached out to stop Amanda from leaving.

"No wait I didn't lie I was lied to. I swear love I went there as friends Alex had another plan I'm sorry she caught me off guard with it all especially the kiss. It meant nothing and she and I are over."

"No liv its fine she wants you and maybe there is a part of you that needs to see it out. I need time everything has just went to fast…I love you I love James but I need time. " With that being said Amanda left before Olivia could say another word she headed to their bedroom and pulled out a bag. Within thirty minutes she was packed with most of her stuff. Knowing she had to talk to James before she left Amanda put her bag in the hallway and walked into James room. Seeing him back she gently took his bag and put it on the floor.

"Bud you can't come with me you have to stay. Mommy will be to sad if we both leave. I meant what I said this morning I am your friend and I will still be here for you always just mom and I we need some time to think things out. "Not wanting Amanda to leave James shook his head no and threw himself into Amanda's arms. Amanda not knowing what to say to bring any kind of comfort to James, just held him in her arms until he cried himself to sleep. When he was asleep she tucked him in then headed out of the room. Grabbing her duffle she made her way out to where Olivia was and after getting Frannie on her leash she shrugged her shoulders before leaving the apartment.

After checking on James Olivia opened up a bottle of wine and drank until she couldn't feel. She was finally happy then she had to go ruin it by going to dinner with Alex. Not wanting to face sleeping alone Olivia curled up on the couch and that is where she finally let sleep overtake her. She slept until the next morning when she heard her alarm go off. Cursing silently she hit end then got up and made her way into the kitchen after getting coffee started she headed down to James room to get him up for school. She was surprised to see him already dressed in his uniform ready to go.

"Buddy I know this is a mess just know I am going to fix everything." Olivia said hoping James would talk to her. However when he only glared as he grabbed his bag she knew this day was going to suck. Watching him stomp down the hallway Olivia sighed before heading into her room to shower and get ready for the day. After a quick shower she got dressed then walked into the kitchen pouring the now brewed coffee into her travel cup she told James it was time to go.

After a very silent walk to school Olivia got into a cab and headed into work. She needed to see Amanda and fix everything. However when she got there she knew talking to Amanda would have to wait. They were in full blown investigation mode there were bad guys to catch no time for a personal problems especially when you're the boss. Making her way to her office she finished her coffee then went out to the bull pen to be briefed. Most of the day was spent with Olivia telling the detectives what to do and helping when she was needed.

It was around three o'clock when she got a call from the sitter saying she was at James's school and there was a problem. Cursing loudly she told Amanda to get the car then she grabbed her phone and rushed downstairs. When they both got into the car Olivia turned to Amanda and sighed.

"Look you can hate me but right now James needs us both of his parents please we gotta find him I just got him back." Amanda nodded as she drove with lights and sirens the whole way to the prep school. When they got there both Amanda and Olivia were in detective mode they were there as a team to find their son. She couldn't help but smile at the thought of Olivia calling her James's other mom. She would have to hug him when she was done ripping him a new one for this.

Heading up into the school while Olivia was talking with his teachers and Principal Amanda pulled the security footage. It took sometime but eventually she saw James leaving the school around lunch time. He was alone so that gave them some relief in the fact he hadn't been taken. Rushing into the office she showed Liv what she had found. As everyone watched James leave it came to Amanda where James would go. He had found a place in central park when he was there over the weekend it was in the slide by the park. Not wasting anytime both women left the school and drove over to the park. Running down to the playground Amanda ran over to the tunnel and peeked inside. Seeing James hiding there she crawled inside since she didn't have that much space Amanda chose to stay on her stomach.

"James you scared the living crap out of me and your mom what were you thinking?!" Amanda demanded. Looking over at her James shrugged.

"I just figured if I got lost you guys would have to work together to find me.. Is mom mad?"

"Oh we are both mad but we are and were so worried about you not get out here so we can talk all three of us." Nodding James slide out the other side of the tunnel right down into his mom's arms. It wasn't until she had him close to her did he start crying.

"Mom don't send me away I am so sorry I just didn't want our family all broken.. I thought if I got lost you two would have to work together to find me… I'm sorry." Waking over to Olivia and James Amanda bent down and hugged both of them. When everyone had stopped crying Liv walked James over to the bench and sat him down.

"One you can't run away ever you have a problem we talk about it.. No more leaving any of us." Olivia said as she looked over at Amanda. 

"We are a family we will figure everything else out. Two you are our son and we will never send you away love no matter what happens your stuck with us got me?" Olivia asked as she watched James smile and nod.

"I'm so sorry mom I won't run away again… I just wanted everything to be ok. I want Amanda home..." Amanda felt her heart break at how upset she made James. Pulling him into her lap she hugged him tight as she shot Liv a look. She knew they had to work out their problems together if not for their sakes then for James's. After everyone was calm Amanda stood up to let the guys know that he had been found, she had just made it to the car when she saw Alex walking over. Laughing Amanda hung up the phone and walked over to the blonde.

"Why are you here? Olivia told me she told you to get lost… but maybe you need to hear it from me. Stay away from my family. You had your chance and you lost it. This is all your fault and I won't let you hurt either of the people I love." Alex who hadn't really thought much of Amanda before now saw red. It wasn't supposed to be like this some wide eyed baby faced detective taking her place.

"That family you call yours was mine and it will be again.. Test me detective I happen to know a few things that would get you transferred far away from here and Liv. So think twice before threatening me." Alex finished coldly. She knew deep down she had no right but all's fair in love and war right. Amanda fumed as she watched the lawyer walk off back where she came from it took all of her strength to not chase her down and deck her. However when James ran up to her and hugged her tight she knew that wasn't the way to fight for her family. As Olivia walked up to her she pulled out her cell and called Finn to let them know James had been found. When she was done with the call she told James to get into the car. Then she turned to Liv.

"So well drop him off with the sitter then go back to work… tonight well talk. I should have let you explain." Then she kissed her cheek and got into the drivers' side and started the car. She knew her and liv had a lot to talk about. She was so happy to have a family to finally fight for. But she was also scared if she fought she'd lose them, Alex's threat had hit home. But for now they had James he was safe nothing else mattered.

**Thank you all for the reviews. You guys encouraged me so much I wrote this next chapter. I know Alex is a little out of character but I feel she'd do whatever it took to get back her love and the family she always dreamed of. So you saw mean scary Alex and her threatening Amanda. Also Olivia telling Amanda she was James other parent. What will happen next? Will the girls work it out? Will James abuse come to a head? Keep reading to find out.**


	8. Chapter 8

Following Olivia into her apartment Amanda paid the sitter then sunk down onto the couch to wait for Liv to check on James. After they had dropped James off with the sitter Amanda had did her best to put Alex's threat out of her head so she could focus on work. It wasn't easy but she had put it out of her mind until it was time to call it a night. Now as Liv walked back into the living room Amanda got up and before liv could say a word she pinned her against the wall kissing her deeply. As she deepened the kiss Amanda ran her hands slowly over Liv's body wanting to be able to touch her one last time.

When the need for oxygen became to much Amanda backed up kissed her once more before walking over to the couch.

" Liv baby I love you so much so so much. I love James but if we stay together it will be the end of us.. Look I don't know why you and Alex broke up but that woman still loves the crap out of you she told me if I didn't leave she would make sure my past got me transferred away. I can't risk losing not only you but James to. So I say we call it quits for now you do what you have to do with Alex and as long as I can be in our sons life I will be ok." Livs heart broke hearing Amanda talk she was going to kill Alex the next time she saw her. But as mad and heart broken she was she knew she couldn't argue with Amanda for now it was safer for their family if they took a break. Walking over to Amanda she pulled her into a hug and just held her close to her body as she cried.

" I love you so much Alex and I are over I want you but your right for now its safer for us to take a break. As long as its just that a break. We will work out custody I promise you she won't keep you from our son." Liv said as she finally let Amanda go.

" Take him tonight I am calling Alex and I don't want him here for that." Liv said as she wiped her own tears from her dark brown eyes. Nodding Amanda kissed Liv's cheek then went into James room and got him up. After packing him some stuff she told him to hug his mom then they would be heading out. Confused at what was happening James hugged liv then followed Amanda out of the apartment. Since her apartment still wasn't fully furnished she decided they would go to Finn's after they got Frannie of course.

After Amanda and James left Olivia poured herself a glass of wine then sent Alex a text to come over. She didn't ask if she was free she was to mad to really care if she was or not. Plus she knew more likely then not Alex would show. When Alex showed up about thirty minutes later Olivia walked to the door and flung it open.

" Well Alex I am so glad you came… I heard you have been all over lately.. making decisions and threats all in the name of love. Thanks to you I lost my family Amanda left whatever you said worked so now that she's gone what is it you want? Did you think I would just take you back? You know maybe if I was single and alone I would have but I am not the same person anymore. I was happy and within a week of being back you ruined it all. Just please go and get out of my life." Liv finished before filling her glass once more before heading back to her bedroom.

Meanwhile across town Amanda who was on her fifth beer was crying against Finn's arm. He loved Liv but he was seriously pissed at how upset his partner was. She was so upset she was close to being inconsolable. After Amanda finally calmed down Finn helped her up and down the hall to her spare room. He was about to lay her down when he felt Amanda's soft lips against his. He knew it was wrong and he tried to push her away, but as she ran her hands up his body all sense went out the window. Pushing her back gently he locked the door then he slide next to her as their lips met they fell back against the bed officially crossing the line partners should never ever cross.

The next morning James woke up in a strange bed, he was about to scream out for his mom and Amanda when he remembered where he was. He was with Amanda at uncle Finns house. Sliding out of the bed James padded into the living room in search of Amanda, he was just about to call out for her when Finn came up behind him.

" Hey bud your uh well Amanda had a rough night so she's still sleeping. Are you hungry I can make some mean frozen waffles." Smiling James nodded then took a seat on the couch and turned on some cartoons.

" Hey uncle Finn do you think mom and Amanda are broken up forever?" James asked as he turned his attention away from the screen.

" Well uh I don't really know bud.."

" No buddy mommy and I are just taking a break so she can get some stuff cleared up." Amanda said as she padded into the living room and sat next to him.

" Your mommy and I talked we are still a family we just needed some space so things could be worked out. I know its confusing but know nothing will really change for you. Just you will be spending some time with me and some time with mom.." Looking over at Amanda James smiled a small smile.

" So if I see you to that means your my mom to not that bitch right?" Hearing James curse Amanda frowned slightly as much as she agreed with his description she couldn't have him using those words.

" No bud I know we don't like her but we don't say that you understand me? But as for your question yes I am your other mom. Me and your mom decided that last night we both love you and nothing will change that we are both your moms ok?" Shrugging James hugged Amanda then pulled away and went to find Frannie he wanted to ask more but not Amanda he wanted to talk to Liv.

Alone Finn popped the waffles in then turned to Amanda. " Look Rollins I know last night was a one time thing don't sweat it.. You and liv are a family everything will work out."

Smiling Amanda nodded. " Thanks for being there for me last night and understanding. I was a complete mess and I am sorry but your right liv and James are my family I just hope Alex will see that and leave us alone. Lets get some breakfast into James and some coffee into me so I can get James home to Liv." Amanda said as she stood up slowly he head screaming as she did so. She really hopped everything would work out but she also hoped she would remember exactly what happened the night before. Everything was a mess and a blur the running joke that seemed to be her life. Every time she had something good it never lasted.


	9. Chapter 9

After dropping James off at Liv's she promised to come get him on the weekend. Then she headed back to Finn's empty apartment she hated that she had fallen so far that she had slept with him. But it could have been worse she could have risked her time with James and went to gamble. Knowing what she had to do to get her family back she called Nick and had him bring her the papers she needed to hand in to officially leave the police force. She had it all planned she was going to leave and become a private investigator one who helped return kids who had been kidnapped by non custodial parents. Either way she knew she could make her own hours and best of all Alex's threat no longer mattered.

Once the papers were filed Amanda walked over to her desk and got to work. She was happy Liv had been called up to one PP for the day that meant she wouldn't know about her leaving until later. Once the day ended Amanda said goodbye to the guys then headed out into the night. Needing a meeting Amanda headed downtown instead of up. Getting there she ignored Nate sitting as far away from him as possible, when it was her turn to share she took a breath before starting.

" Hey everyone my names Amanda and I am addicted to gambling. I was doing great for awhile then my sister came to down and I went downhill fast I fell so far I almost lost my job. But that's when this amazing woman came into my life in a romantic way. It started out as a way for us to pass time but then it became more, we fell in love. Funny thing is I had long since given up hope in finding the one but she changed that to make matters even more confusing she has a son a boy I love more than life its self. We were a family.. until her ex showed up wanting them back for herself she went as far as to bring up my gambling and past saying she'd use it if I didn't back off. My girlfriend knows about it but not James so to spare him I left. I got drunk and ended up sleeping with a friend my old ways coming to the surface fast. But that's why I'm here I may have made mistakes in my past but when I woke up today and dropped him off I set to making them right. Its going to be a long fight but I will have my family back."

When she finished Amanda sat down and spent the rest of the meeting just observing and listening. At the end she quickly left to avoid Nate and since she wasn't watching where she was going she walked right into Liv. Looking into her eyes she knew Liv had heard what she done but before she could speak and defend her actions Liv leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips.

"Finn told me today when I got back to the office he felt so bad I just had to come find you. We were on a break I don't blame you for seeking comfort you had no clue what I would do. So please come home so we can talk. We need to talk and decide for ourselves what we want forget about Alex, Finn , Nick the job just talk about us and our family." Smiling Amanda kissed her gently.

" Oh I plan to be there for dinner just give me one hour I have one more thing I have to do then I will there ok? Trust me it will be worth it." Amanda said as she backed away and headed off into the night. Her sister had stolen almost everything she had owned everything but the ring her grandma had given her. The one she had wanted Amanda to wear on her wedding day. Once she got Frannie from Finn's Amanda headed to her place and got the ring out of the one loose floor board in her apartment. Sliding the ring into her pocket she headed back out. Instead of going right home to Liv and James she headed up town to where she knew Alex was staying. Giving the doorman twenty bucks to watch her dog she ran to the elevator and pressed Alex's floor. Getting off the elevator Amanda made her way down to the door she knocked loudly then waited for the door to open. When it did Amanda pushed her way inside not caring if she was alone or not she had something to say.

"Hey Alex I just wanted you to hear from me you and Olivia are over you can take your threats and shove them. I put my paperwork in as of Friday I will not longer be a detective for the New York Police department. I am sure Liv told you to stay away but I will say it once more you had your chance you broke her, she's with me now. So stay the fuck away from my family love." With that Amanda left slamming the door behind her. After getting Frannie Amanda headed home. When she got there she let herself in and unleashed Frannie, then she hugged James and walked over to liv kissing her deeply.

It was hard but she held off revealing her plan until after dinner. Once James was settled in his room with a movie, Amanda walked out into the living room and took Liv's hand in hers. Taking a breath she got down on one knee.

"Olivia Benson you saved me that night when you came over just to talk. We stayed up half the night drinking and laughing it was nice to know after all my mess ups I was still wanted. It took only a few weeks and I was head over heels in love with you. Then James came into our lives and I couldn't imagine my life without either of your guys. I know things have happened between us and our relationship but I believe we will come out stronger. Anyways I am rambling so let me get back on track. I have been a busy bee today making sure no one could mess up our family anymore. So Olivia Benson will you marry me?" Liv who had been trying to hold back tears nodded with a big smile. Sliding the ring onto Liv's finger Amanda stood to kiss her, but before she could she was ran into by an excited James. Laughing all three of them fell back onto the couch. Once she got James settled she leaned in and finally kissed Olivia.

"So how did you take care of our obstacles love? I tried and I don't think I got through to her…" Pulling James into her lap Amanda looked over at Liv and smiled wide.

"I guess you haven't heard yet.. Well I put in my papers, and before you say no its done and I am perfectly fine with it. I have it all planned out, I will spend time at home with James until I get some PI business. I plan on focusing on returning kids to their custodial parents. Well see I may end up playing spy for rich people. I don't care really you just made sergeant and they need you at Svu. And this way I am out of the unit so there is nothing to question. "

"You really thought of everything Amanda haven't you? You're willing to do this for me?"

"Yes Liv I love you and our family this is what's important to me not being a detective. I loved it don't get me wrong..I just love you guys more." Smiling Liv leaned over and kissed Amanda ignoring their son's groans about how gross they were being.


	10. The End

Epilogue:

_Two years later _

"James Michael Benson-Rollins I swear if you don't stop making your sister cry it's on boy." Amanda yelled as she watched her son pout and give his sister her toy back.

"Look bud I know it's hard being a big brother but Jenny loves you so much. So for me please try and be nice. The big boy mom and I raised you to be ok?" Nodding James hugged his sister.

"Good now go upstairs wash up then help me set the table Moms going to be home soon." Amanda said as she scooped her daughter up and headed over to check on dinner. She couldn't believe how much her life had changed in two years; she met her wife fell in love, got married officially adopted her son. Then as if that wasn't enough she had also had a beautiful daughter. She had the perfect life how she got there was sure as hell not a yellow brick road. But if she had to do it all over again she wouldn't change a thing. Hearing the front door open Amanda put Jenny on the floor and watched with a smile as she ran over to Olivia hugging her legs tightly.

"Mommy Mommy your home! James was mean to me but momma told him he had to be nice or else!" Jenny said as she was scooped up into her mom's arms. Snuggling against Olivia she giggled as her mom leaned over to kiss her momma.

"So love how was your day?" Liv asked as she pulled away and leaned against the counter.

"Well Jenny and I went to mommy and me class.. I don't know how you stand those women I wanted to S-h-o-o-t them half way through. Then we came home cleaned I got called about taking a case and then we picked up James. Oh my old partner called and said he would be late to get Jenny because of his horrible mean boss." Amanda finished with a wink.

"Yes I know I am so horrible I make them actually do their paperwork before they leave. As for the mothers I usually ignore them, its just something I missed out with James and I want to make up for it with Jenny here." Putting their squirming daughter down Liv waited until she was out of the room to continue talking.

"You know when we found out you were pregnant I was scared.. I mean you and Finn are close but when you both told me it was our daughter I cried. You two gave me the gift of being a mom again. I am glad she gets to know her dad to though. It's like she was a second chance for all of us James brought us together and she made sure we stayed that way."

" Yeah when I found out I was pregnant love I about fainted. I was so scared you'd be mad but I've always wanted to be a mom so I knew I was having her.. Things just worked out. She has two amazing moms and an awesome dad and two big brothers.. Ken is nicer to her then James is lately though. On that note I took the case so I leave for Argentina on Sunday. I was thinking tomorrow while Jen is with her dad we could take James out for the day. He could use some one on one mom time."

"That's a great idea Manda I know sharing us has been hard for him so tomorrow is James's day. What do you think he'll want to do?"

"Oh you know laser tag or skate boarding that kid loves to keep us on our toes." Amanda said as she pulled out the roast and potatoes. Hearing a knock on the door Olivia left the kitchen and went to open it. Seeing Finn on the other side Olivia moved over so he could come in. After agreeing to stay to eat he went in search of Jenny finding her in James's room on the bed next to her big brother.

"Hey guys what are you up to?" Finn asked as he sat on the bed. Both kids pointed to the cartoon on the television not saying a word. Finn couldn't help but laugh he had never thought or imagined he'd have any more kids or a real family not after messing it up so royally with Ken's mom. But now he had a beautiful daughter and two women who welcomed him into their family with open arms. Jenny was home to him Jenny and James even though he wasn't the boys biological father he couldn't help but love the kid like he was his own. Liv and Amanda sometimes let him take James for a guys day they would meet up with Nick and Gil and do anything from baseball to catching a game at the stadium. Neither man knew James biological father they had their suspicions but they knew Liv well enough not to ask.

Outside in the living room after putting the food onto the table Amanda pulled Olivia into her arms.

" You know Sergeant Benson-Rollins I love you and our family with all my heart I would do anything for you guys." Smiling Olivia entwined their fingers together their matching wedding bands complementing their hands nicely. After kissing Amanda's hand Liv leaned in and captured her soft red lips with hers kissing her wife deeply. As the need for her wife to be close rose liv pulled her in closer. She had just slide her tongue into Amanda's warm mouth when she heard a very loud ewww.

" Eww ladies get a room.." James said as he walked into the room.

" Yeah LADIES get a rooms." Jenny mimicked much to her brothers dismay.

" Yeah moms pg in front of the children." Finn finished as he scooped up Jenny and got her into her high chair.

Laughing both women broke apart and shook their heads before following the rest of their family to the table. Passing by James Amanda gently ruffled his head and glared at him.

" Its moms to you mister.."

" Yeah yeah I know your my moms." James grumbled as he reached over and handed Jenny her cup.

Sitting down in between Jenny and James Olivia looked around the table and smiled. It had been a long road getting here but finally she had the family she had always dreamed of.


End file.
